USING COCONUT SHELLS AS HORSES
HOW ABOUT SOME KOOL-AID?
The movie opens with Arthur and his trusty servant banging coconut shells together and prancing in a ridiculous fashion to imitate horse-riding. (Well, actually the movie opens with several minutes of credits that include fake Swedish, multiple mentions of moose, an apology by Richard Nixon, and well, you get the drift.) Anyway, the Monty Python crew couldn't afford horses so they used coconut shells to imitate hoofbeats and a silly way of prancing with one foot and one arm forward in a pretend horse posture. When Arthur inquires about the lord of a castle, the only conversation that ensues is about how on earth did he get tropical coconuts in the temperate English climate. Did they migrate? Were they carried by swallows? What kind of swallow could carry a coconut. Is it an African swallow or a European swallow? Perhaps two swallows with a vine strung across their ......Finally, Arthur gets frustrated by the discussion and "rides" away.
In this opening scene, the king and his vassal look ridiculous banging the coconuts and prancing like horses – quite a hilarious setup. If you remember watching the movie, you probably laughed at the pretend horses for the first few scenes, but barely noticed the joke as the movie wore on. Many years ago, I took some film classes and learned that a director sets the ground rules for the movie during the first ten minutes. For instance, if you are making a musical, you need to have a musical number within the first 10 minutes, the earlier the better. If it is a shoot-em-up, you need to tell the audience this early on with some gut-spilling. If not, the audience will expect a realistic portrayal of life. Actors bursting into song, or just bursting, later in the movie will be jarring and out-of-context. Our coconut-banging knights set the scene for a raucous comedy.
The same principle holds true in business. As someone new to a company, you’ll notice idiosyncrasies that no one else recognizes. If you make a comment to this effect, it is likely no one will understand you. After a while, you become acclimated to these quirks as well and can’t remember what you found so odd. For instance, when I joined a particular management consultancy, all the employees walked around saying “how to” and “I wish” whenever they voiced a concern. For instance, "I wish we had more budget to do this right" or "How to get the leadership team to buy into this project." At first I thought everyone was brainwashed. After several weeks, I saw the value in speaking like that and incorporated those phrases in my daily vernacular, completely habituated to those odd expressions. A requirement of starting a new job is to acquire their corporate culture, those sets of traditions and beliefs that shape our thoughts and behaviors without us being aware of them, or what drinking the Kool-Aid is all about.
There are many types of corporate cultures, all based on particular
values that take priorities over others. Some cultures value action over
planning. Some are risk-averse and financially conservative. Some
companies treat their people like gold and others treat them like the
furniture.
I have many more examples of differences in cultures, but I want to keep this short and sweet. I do want to warn you of four very dangerous cultural dysfunctions.
COMMON CULTURAL DISORDERS
WARNING!
Prolonged exposure to any one of these maladies may result in loss of self-esteem, loss of intelligence, lack of sleep, and, in some extreme cases, depression. If you suspect that you or a loved one may be suffering from one of these symptoms, remove yourself from the situation right away and call your therapist.
Amnesiac Culture
Welcome to the company that is always buzzing with activity. No,
there is no time to put together a plan or discuss this with experts.
For every issue encountered, this company puts together a project or
initiative. With such a flurry of activity, there is no time to document
meeting minutes, or anything, for that matter. The right way to
approach this project? Who cares? Just get it done. Yesterday. Read your
email? Hardly. I’d rather send out five more than read the one that
explains everything. Research the issue? Research is for losers. The
only way to learn is by doing. These employees are doomed to repeat the
same mistakes over and over again until they burn out.
Overheard in the halls- hit the ground running, bias for action,
self-starter, take initiative
Emotional state – high drama with a vague sense of déjà vu.
Megalomaniac Culture
It’s really all about me, isn’t it? I’ve lead this company to
greatness and now I’ve surrounded myself with minions who act and think
like me. No wonder I’m always right. And because I’m right, I want
things done my way. It doesn’t matter that getting things done right
requires enormous effort. If I like pie charts instead of bar
graphs, I’ll hire someone to convert every bar graph in this
company into a pie chart. Because I can. I’m the boss. Remember,
your performance is a reflection on me. Actually, everything is a
reflection on me. Don’t let me down. Because you know I’ll take all the
credit anyway. Mistakes? No one here makes any.
Overheard in the halls – the “company” way, as in the “Apple” way, not
the right type, make me look good
Emotional state – bipolar, dependent on the state of the business
Chronically insecure
This company acts like a teenage girl.(My apologies to teenage
girls.) Everyone here wants to be liked and wants to fit in. Did
everyone buy into this proposal? Let’s include everyone in the meeting.
Do we have consensus on the plan? Do we have consensus on getting
consensus on the plan? Our competitive advantage is to do
everything well. We need to know what our competitors are doing so we
can do that, too. What do the analysts say about our product pipeline?
What do the analysts say about our corporate strategy? Is our sweat shop
in Guatemala considered outsourcing, because everyone else is
outsourcing and we should, too? We want to be innovative so let’s
benchmark what other companies are doing in innovation and copy that.
Overheard in the halls: Benchmark, competitive analysis , buy-in,
consensus, team building
Emotional state – worry, worry, worry
Obsessive-compulsive
This company has found the approach that works for
them. And they use it. For everything. Typically, it involves lots of
analysis or planning. This cultural disorder manifests itself in the
form of a proprietary methodology, perhaps a colorful pert chart or a
detailed decision tree that people rely on to solve business problems.
Everybody has one. Pinned to their walls. With a binder that
describes how it’s done properly. And a little pocket booklet version.
And a wallet-sized card. All new employees quickly become indoctrinated
in the methodology, typically through mandatory training. When something
doesn’t work quite right, a team is formed to “tweak” the process or
develop a new one. Gurus or experts in the methodology are called in
frequently and everyone has some sort of certification hanging on their
walls.
Overheard in the halls - methodology, due diligence, green belt,
black belt, best practice
Emotional state – the process holds the answers, all hail the almighty
process