This
website is based on a book that uses the movie, Monty Python
and the Holy Grail, as an analogy for the life in a modern corporation
- an illusive objective, bloated egos, a dysfunctional leadership
team, and idiocy all around. MAY 11
SIR LAUNCELOT AND THE CAPTIVE BRIDEGROOM
STUCK IN A COMPETITIVE PARADIGM
The tale of Sir Launcelot begins with Launcelot and his trusty page, Concorde, galloping through the countryside, still riding pretend horses. Alas, out of nowhere, an arrow with a message attached fatally wounds Concorde. The note is from someone held captive in Swamp Castle who is being forced to marry against their will. Of course, Launcelot assumes that this is a damsel in distress, and, ever the opportunist, he seizes the chance to prove his mettle and launch a daring rescue. He bids a last farewell to Concorde (actually, I feel fine, sire) and charges towards the castle wielding his sword, ready for battle. After he fights his way through the guards at the gate, Launcelot proceeds to slaughter the guests who’ve arrived for betrothal of Prince Herbert to Princess Lucky (the one with the huge tracts of land.) He continues to annihilate everyone in his path to the castle keep to rescue the “damsel in distress,” even killing one of the guards in the previous scene. When he bursts into the room, Herbert is overjoyed that he is being rescued and starts to sing (cue music), but Launcelot is a little confused. Surely, there must be a mistake? Where’s the beautiful princess?
Upon hearing the music, the king arrives, rather distressed that some of his guards and guests have been recklessly slaughtered, including the Princess’ father. While Launcelot tries to explain himself, Herbert climbs down a rope hung out the window. It turns out the king and Launcelot are cut from the same cloth, and upon learning that Launcelot is from Camelot, the King begins plotting how he can get his hands on some of that fine Camelotian pig country. He decides to give Launcelot a tour of the grounds and cuts the rope upon which his son is descending as he passes the window. He has other plans now. He takes Launcelot back down to the wedding reception where the guests start to riot against Launcelot. He just murdered their aunties! His reaction is to reach for his sword and begin battling again until the king stops him. Launcelot apologizes. He can’t help himself. He just gets carried away with being a hero and all. But the king has bigger things on his mind than who killed whom and he announces that because the bride’s father is dead and his son has fallen to his death, how about a union of Princess Lucky and Sir Launcelot? Of course, having such affection for the bride, he would act as her legal guardian. Too bad neither of them is actually dead. As Prince Herbert starts to sing about how he survived his fall, Concorde arrives just in time to save his master from certain doom. Only it’s not part of Launcelot’s idiom to just sneak away. He needs a more dramatic exit. Launcelot runs up the stairs and grabs a rope to swing himself out over the crowd to make his escape. However, he doesn’t have enough momentum, and the scene ends with him dangling over the crowd asking for a push.
Like Launcelot, many corporations are stuck in a competitive paradigm where they obsess over the state of the industry and are constantly planning attacks to gain marketshare. In isolation, this strategy wouldn't be so bad, but everyone in every industry is doing this, resulting in a constant state of business warfare. As consumers, we are bombarded with marketing messages of every shape and form and barraged with endless product variations. All of this is to win the battle of the market place and emerge victorious with an additional 1 or 2 % share. Aside from asking if all this contentious effort is really worth it so that consumers can 30 varieties of toothpaste and 10 flavors of oreos, often the real problems lurk, not with competitors, but within the company itself.
Having lived through some spectacular business failures myself, I can say first hand that while external forces like the economy and new industries played a role, it was the fault of the company not to see these things coming when everyone else could. But stuck in a competitive strategy, they couldn't see that the environment was not following their idiom, yet alone respond to it. By the way, there is an excellent HBR article, 7 Ways to Fail Big, that backs me up.
To help companies avoid this kind of blindsiding, I've adapted some well known strategic analysis tools that look externally to focus on internal problems. Here's a useful model for determining the value of business activities. It's based on the BCG (Boston Consulting Group) Portfolio Analysis Model. (If you are not familiar with this, you won't get the joke.)
BKG
(Bunnies, Knight, Grail) Priority Portfolio Analysis
A model
for determining the potential impact of your corporate
activities
Black Knights – tasks that just won’t die
Annual goal setting and updates
Interim performance reviews and annual performance reviews
Development planning, talent planning and tracking
Budget planning, budgeting, budget tracking and revisions
Preparing for audits and audits
Documenting and meeting regulatory compliance
Keeping SOPs up-to-date
Systems maintenance and upgrades
Systems and regulatory training
Killer Bunnies – those little things you just can’t get past
Boss’s urgent requests for information
Boss’s boss’s urgent requests for information
Email
Voicemail
Instant messaging
Expense reporting
Helping co-worker with PC problems
Co-workers need for venting
Boss’s need for venting
The internet
Trojan Rabbits – tasks that seemed like a good idea at the time
Voicing a dissenting opinion at a public meeting
Outsourcing customer service and helpdesk functions
Replacing long-term experienced workers with cheaper,
inexperienced part-timers
Winning the bidding war for an acquisition
Selling off all non-core business assets
Centralizing all your functions
Then de-centralizing all your functions
Holy Grails – tasks you’ll just never get to
Spawning new businesses
Improving operations
Establishing a creative environment
Implementing new ideas
Creating great, new products
Building new capabilities
Improving relationships
Helping the world
Having a life