APR 14

THE GOD SCENE

THE PROPER WAY TO SUCK UP

What is Arthur and his men supposed to do now that they've realized Camelot is a silly place? Fortunately, God arrives on the scene (He certainly has good timing) to give the men a mission and some purpose in their lives. Only, Arthur keeps groveling. It's really hard to talk to someone who keeps averting his eyes, groveling, and apologizing for his general unworthiness in the presence of the Lord. What's a God to do? HE tells Arthur off and then assigns him the task of obtaining the Holy Grail. And the men rejoice at their new assignment.

You can't really blame Arthur for the groveling; the God of the old testament is quite a nasty character, annihilating entire towns, turning people to pillars of salt, and having men swallowed whole by whales. I think I would suck up plenty to someone who had that much power over me. In modern corporations, the upper management, who may think they are gods, do exercise quite a bit of control over the lives of their employees. They decide who gets promoted, who gets more money, who gets a sane lifestyle, and who can keep his job. So how do you deal with gods of the office place?

The first lesson everyone who wants to stayed employed needs to learn is that there is a right way and a wrong way to suck up. The right way maintains your dignity and fosters better communication. The wrong way reverts back being a child trying to butter up to your teachers. Though, sometimes, depending on your upper management, you have no choice but to act like a child.

SUCKING UP

THE RIGHT WAY

Often, I’ve found that when certain personalities attain positions of leadership, they emulate role models of authority from childhood and resort to the role of parent or teacher. This is how they think they are supposed to act. You can recognize this role because they typically turn every conversation into a lecture. They are also masters at using your words against you. You know the person. When you express concern over an issue, they immediately ask, "And what have you done to address this?"   Frankly, any leader who doesn't want to be among the first to know about an issue in his/her department is not much of a leader in my book.

You leave that conversation feeling like a powerless child and sure not to mention any more concerns to that person. The ultimate result of those types of conversations is that meaningful dialogue is squelched, not what you want in business.  The best way to suck up in these situations is to regain your rightful position in the conversation, that of a competent adult. You must careful, though, that your superior does not feel put out or offended in any way and that his or her opinion is of great value to you.

Here are some retorts you can use:
“My purpose was to discuss the issues with you in a candid manner and get your opinion, because I value your opinion on this, before I put an action plan in place." 
“So you would prefer that I didn't inform you of issues in your department as soon as they appear? I thought you would want to be the first to know.”
 “I realize that you have a lot of wisdom to share, but unfortunately I learn better from a back and forth dialogue or discussion of the problem rather than just listening to how it should be done. I won't retain what you said that way and I really want to learn from your experience." 

If you insist on acting like a responsible adult and being treated like a responsible adult and treating others like responsible adults, eventually no one will ever have to suck up again.

SUCKING UP

THE WRONG WAY

Sometimes, the right way to suck up just won't work with some people. So I've developed Plan B. Here are some suck up phrases straight out childhood to help you appeal to that school master walking around as management.

Childhood suck up phrase	Workplace equivalent
You're the best teacher ever!	Would you be my mentor?
Is there extra credit?	Tell me how I can do more.
I can stay after school.	I don't mind putting in long hours.
Will that be on the test?	What performance metrics are you monitoring?
That test was easy.	I would like to add some stretch goals.
This is my favorite class.	I love working on your projects.

Posted by Karen Phelan. 32 comments. Filed under Templates. Tags: awesome, new.