GLOSSARY OF TERMS

OFFICE NEOLOGISMS

Please see my page at Office Neologisms for a more complete list, updated May 2010.

Chapter 1

Coll-aberration -

that rare instance when teams from multiple departments communicate and work together on a common goal

Iconomies of scale -

an entire company based on the ego of a famous CEO

The leaning organization -

focus on developing specific organizational capabilities such that everyone has the same skills and knowledge, thus reinforcing the existing biases of the company

New hire orientation pogrom -

the mandatory, multi-day training boot-camp that weeds out new employees who won’t fit the corporate culture

Chapter 2

Downseizing -

the massive layoffs that occur after a hostile takeover

Eternagrating -

the unceasing process of  integrating companies after mergers and acquisitions that results in lower stock price, lost jobs, and tedious work for all involved

Bust-in-time practices –

the practice of being so short-sighted that every deadline requires a major “bust your balls” effort   related: business as usual

Secession planning -

a Senior leadership retirement strategy, whereby the Corporate Officers  plan to sell, spin, or make public the company in order to reap a huge payment that can be used for retirement,  related: retire-ease

Spinergies –

the phony cost savings numbers used to justify a merger or acquisition

Trance- ition –

the period between the announcement of the sale and the integration of the companies when employees walk around in a daze

Chapter 3

Core compretenses –

those attributes you need to pretend to have in order to advance your career

Corporate ego-system –

the complex system of personalities whose egos you need to assuage before you can move ahead with any decision

Deportmental –

the tendency of business functions to exhibit similar behaviors, e.g., Sales - gregarious, Marketers – disorganized, Finance – detail oriented, etc.

Executive man-hedgement  -

A group of bald-headed guys who never give a straight answer

Grandular –

the core competence of being both detail-oriented and strategic at the same time

Team vynamics –

Group behavior wherein individuals at a meeting vie for dominance. Related: vialogue

Chapter  4

Conturgency plan -

when something goes terribly wrong, frantically putting a plan of action together so that it looks like you had a contingency plan all along

Disaster discovery planning –

of assigning full-time staff to creating a slew of potential dire scenarios that involve situations no one ever imagined could happen

Precedaunt –

Knowing that everyone in this position prior to you has failed miserably

Spoculation  (alt sp Spockulation) –

Pretending that your wild gambles are based on a sound set of impartial facts and data

Chapter 5

Blind-sighted –

Seeing only what you want to see and then being done in by something you really should have seen coming

Fact founding -

The practice of inventing new facts to fill a void in information.

Issue revolution –

the serial routing of a problem or concern to numerous parties so that it eventually ends up back with the originator

Mobservation -

The phenomenon of that occurs when one person makes an obvious statement and the mob latches onto it like it is the greatest idea ever

Problem salving –

Holding meetings, calls etc. to discuss, document, and prioritize dire issues so that everyone feels better about not addressing them 

Undue diligence –

The endless process of collecting more information in order to avoid making a decision  

Chapter 6

Emotivate –

Using utopian visions of the future, dramatic pleas, and dire consequences to inspire an organization to change. related: hamplify

Megaphor –

Used when one metaphor just isn't enough

Multi-tedia presentation –

Using numerous ways to present boring information

Sympodium –

Supposedly a conference  to learn new trends or share best practices, but in practice, a forum for one company to gain a captive audience for its sales pitch

Verbi-age –

1. the effect in which listening to certain people talk ages one prematurely 2. Others’ use of jargon and slang that causes one to feel really old

Chapter 7

Employee emcowerment –

The initiatives and training rolled out under the guise of managing change that are really meant to get employees to toe the line

Idealation –

Praising someone sycophantically for their superior creativity

Intellectual carpital –

That small clique who fancy themselves smarter than everyone else and snarkily deprecate the current management decisions

Chapter 8

360 degree needback –

Obligatory surveys of your co-workers to assure your management that you are not Hitler reincarnated  

Annual abjective setting –

The process of developing annual goals that you know are completely unachievable

 Deventralizaton –

Cutting out the belly of the organization, usually a vital function,  in an attempt to be more competitive  

Implamentation -

The lengthy and remorseful explanation of how extenuating factors and external influences prevented one from successful execution, usually accompanied by chest beating, finger pointing and whimpering   

Implementation phrase –

The handover from the conceptual team to the execution team with the instructions of “just do it.”  

Implementation faze –

Realizing that the conceptual design cannot be executed without major rework  

Inventivize –

An attempt at devising creative incentives for employees that don’t involve money

Performance praisal –

The act of writing about your yearly accomplishments in the most glowing terms possible   

Speed-to-make-it –

The consequence of wasting time at the beginning of project, resulting in a shortened production timeline